Hello!
In this Special Edition of Jen’s Workplace News we share the “Zoom Crimes Report” and provide practical solutions to help your workplace tackle chronic offending.
Cheers,
Jen
Offence: “Let’s Go Around and Share One Word for How We’re Feeling”
The moment everyone regrets logging on and wonders if they can fake a power outage.
Penalty: You must give two words. One for you and one for each person’s reaction.
Offence: Background Drama
We know you’re not in the Bahamas. Your cat just walked through a waterfall. Don’t be upstaged by a JPEG.
Penalty: One week with your unmade bed as your background.
Offence: “Sorry I’m Late, I Had Tech Issues” (Every. Single. Time.)
Translation: “I forgot the meeting until 30 seconds ago”.
Penalty: You must host the next 5 meetings.
Offence: Dressed Like a Mullet
Business on top, chaos from the waist down. It’s all fun and games until you stand up.
Penalty: One viral screenshot.
Offence: “You’re on Mute… Again!”
That awkward 10 seconds of “Can’t hear you, you’re on mute”. We’ve all been there. But after the 500th time, it becomes a lifestyle choice.
Penalty: Your Zoom name is changed to “Still on Mute” until you’ve earned your colleagues’ trust.
Offence: Petflix – Season 10 Episode 3
Fido joins the meeting. Again. He was adorable. Was. We’ve moved on. You haven’t.
Penalty: You must turn off your camera every time Fido enters the room. Yes, really.
Offence: “I Think You Froze…”
A classic bluff used to mask not listening. Works best with a confused expression and a slow nod.
Penalty: You must recap what was just said. Good luck.
Offence: Zoom & Chew
We can hear the chewing. Always. Even on mute. This is not a lunch and learn.
Penalty: Supply the entire team with Tim Tams for next week’s meeting.
Offence: Not-So-Private Messaging
You accidentally send your private chat to the entire group, including your thoughts about… the entire group.
Penalty: You’re banned from using chat until you’ve watched a webinar on “Professional Digital Communication”.
Offence: Screen Share Roulette
Fifteen tabs, two error messages, and an unexpected glimpse of some (ahem) personal photos.
Penalty: Your license to “drive” the share screen function is suspended until you convince IT that you’re no longer a HR risk to the business.
Offence: Zooming While Zooming
Zooming whilst driving is a crime. So is giving your colleagues motion sickness.
Penalty: Congratulations! You’re now the Zoom Safety Officer. We don’t trust you, but we believe in growth.
Offence: “Just One More Thing…”
Meeting’s wrapped. Everyone’s ready to go. And then… “Actually, just quickly…”
Spoiler: it’s never quick.
Penalty: You host the next meeting. Standing up. On one leg.